Staring

As a parent of a child in a wheelchair I have been faced with how to handle staring.  Staring can be a pretty intimidating and intrusive act. There are a couple things that determine how I deal with it. Age is one of them. if a small child is looking at someone in a wheelchair, I just accept it as genuine curiosity and let it pass.  Why would you discourage them being curious? If you don't let them learn about differences then they are destined to be afraid of them.

Another way I decide how to address the lingering gaze of adults is their expression.  It makes all the difference in the world.  If you are concentrating on my son and you have a smile on your face, it puts me at ease. I have had a saying since Malry was a baby, "If you are going to stare, at least smile." A smile lets me know that you are admiring him and watching him for good reasons. If your expression is not friendly or it is a look of contempt or aggravation, I will deal with you in a completely different manner. We were once in a restaurant and Malry was very young. He may have been three years old.  He did not have a wheelchair yet and could sit in the highchairs the restaurant had.  He tended to make a good bit of noise when he ate. This was before he was tube-fed and so he tended to make a bit of a mess as well. A table of people were looking at Malry like he was ruining their meal.  They asked the server to be moved away from us.  Their expression was pure contempt.  We were feeling extremely self-conscious. After they had moved the looks and a few comments continued. I have to note that at this point I became furious and do not remember what happened. The only way I can repeat it is that Heather remembered it vividly. I (apparently) got up from our table and approached them and addressed the male figure who had been the most vocal and suggested that he keep his comments and condescending looks to himself.  If he could not, I would physically escort him to the parking lot where I would proceed to clean that parking lot with his rear end. Heather said my approach was very effective.  I have to assume she is right. Staring for any reason can make the object of that attention very uncomfortable.  Modifying your expression can make a huge difference. Think about that next time you see someone different.