Inside Story

I woke up this morning and picked up my phone and began browsing news stories. One of them was a story of Hollywood director, Tony Scott jumping off a bridge and killing himself.  This news story made me think. It made me realize that just because you may know someone you don't necessarily know their true story.  This was a man who was on the Hollywood A-list. He directed some very popular movies.  He had success beyond most people's dreams. Despite his success, something in his life seemed so insurmountable that he could not live with the thought of it. His fame could not erase it.  His success could not hide it. His stature in the community could not help him.  From the outside he may have been happy but something in him that was not visible was eating at him.  Something he felt he could not conquer. Something he didn't think his family could help him through.  This thing, whatever it was, finally consumed him.

What if the solution to his problems was just around the corner? Possibly when he woke up the next day. His problems didn't have to be impossible to solve.  They just had to appear impossible for him to feel helpless. A person's perception of them self and their situation can be far worse than the reality of the situation.

All of this just serves to show that no matter what we think we know about someone's story, unless we have written it, there is always more to learn.

Extensive Travel

As I sat and watched the Olympics tonight I came to a realization.  They were showing a night view of London Bridge and it was beautiful.  I thought to myself that I would love to see that one day.  My next thought was slightly sobering.  I will never be able to see the London Bridge. I will never be able to see any of the things I have seen in images of other countries.  This is a fact that has just become clear to me. I am not destined to travel to distant nations.  I am comfortable with this.  I have my path and it does not lead me across the ocean. It leads me on an internal journey. One that has and will create rich memories of vivid experiences.  I have experienced things that I cannot describe. I have overcome obstacles that seemed insurmountable. I feel like I have traveled many miles but still have more in front of me than behind me.  I will not see the great wonders of the world but I have witnessed wonders of the human spirit. I have not been to the corners of the globe but I have been to the deepest parts of the heart. I will never have frequent-flyer miles but I have uncountable miles on my soul.

I have done all this traveling with a wonderful travel partner.  She has helped me finish some of the most difficult excursions. She has helped me rest after the longest trips. She has given me courage and built me up when I was feeling small.  She helps make the road less bumpy. It may not be a glamorous path but it is mine.


Footnote.  I was just kind of rambling here. It may not make sense. My apologies if it doesn't.

A Duo In Unum...Or Something Like that

Heather and I have been together almost 23 years. This seems unreal to me. I still look at other people as the grown-ups. We were just children when we started dating in 1989. There is no way we could have predicted the path our lives would take. I'm not sure where I am headed with this post but bear with me.  It just seems to me that we began our journey together as two very different people.  When I say different, I mean different from each other. Very different backgrounds, different family structures different in a lot of ways.A lot of people have been together for as long as we have but they have not necessarily been through what she and I have been through.  The things we have been through have made us closer than many couples.  They have made us act as one. Many couples finish each other's sentences but we actually don't even have to start the sentences.  We think the same thoughts at the same time.  We know what the other is thinking without the benefit of words.  True story.  Heather and I were Christmas shopping last year and had finish up.  We were sitting in the car and I asked her what she would like to eat.  She said " you know what I would like that we haven't had in a long time?' I'm not really sure how I knew it but I replied "Firehouse". She just kind of sat there and looked at me like I had read her most secret diary entry.

Heather "How did you know that?"

Me "I'm not really sure. When you asked the question I just saw a picture of Firehouse Subs"

Heather "That's just creepy."

This is one of many times that I was able to tell what Heather was thinking.  Now please understand that I am not claiming to be psychic.  I am just saying that Heather and I have been so emotionally bound that we somehow know the other's thought process.  One night we were driving on the interstate. I really don't remember where we were.  We came upon a stretch of highway where you could see for a long way.  Heather sighed slightly and I knew immediately what she was thinking. I said to her "You were just thinking of Montana weren't you?" She said "Yes. How did you know?".  I really didn't have an answer for her but I just knew what she was thinking.

It seems to happen more and more as we get older.  We can watch the same T.V. shows for several seasons and notice something we missed on the opening credits at the exact same time. Sometimes we just look at each other and shake our heads.

I guess the first time we ever got the hint that this would be the way of our life was when we were interviewed by someone who was getting their Master's degree.  They asked Heather and I both the same questions about being a parent of a disabled child. We were interviewed on different days when the other was not around. We never actually saw each other's answers.  The person who interviewed us told our mothers several months later that we had answered all the questions almost word-for-word the same. We were pretty surprised to hear that but if you told us that now it would seem reasonable.

Change

Back in the early part of Malry's Senior year Heather and I received a letter stating that there would be one more opportunity for us to have Malry's senior portrait taken for the yearbook. We had planned on having his portraits taken by a friend at home but the school was not accepting photos from outside photographers for the yearbook. We had, in the past, had very bad experiences with Malry's school pictures because he has no strength in his trunk to sit up and severe scoliosis.  We had no confidence in the photographers, so we scheduled a time for his portraits so that we could both be present during the session.

They say when you go back to school every thing seems smaller. I've found this to be true most times.  When I returned to my high school it didn't seem especially small.  It seemed quite empty. The library is no longer a library. It is a media center. Long gone are the shelves full of books with the Dewey Decimal numbers on them.  They are replaced with the monitors, keyboards and mouses(mice?) of computers. There is no smell of paper and covers full of page after page of information.  There is now the humming sound of small cooling fans on high-speed processors.  The whole thing seems sadly sterile to me.

Heather and I had the occasion to walk from one end of the school to the other to take Malry to the auditorium. The hallways were unusually large.  It seems they have installed windows into many of the classrooms.  I suppose this gives the illusion of bigger hall. I don't really know but it sounds good.  After pushing Malry down the hall towards the auditorium it dawned on me that another reason the hall seemed large was the absence of  lockers. Not one locker did we see. We mentioned this to a teacher.  The response was quite a surprise but painfully obvious in a way.  They don't need lockers because they don't have any books.